A year ago today...

It was one year ago today that I attempted my first gluten free day. I didn’t know for sure that I had Celiac but with an impending biopsy, the certainty of my doctors and my intense desire to feel better I abstained from my sister’s birthday cake exactly one year ago for the first time. I remember the feeling of uncertainty and the hope that perhaps I didn’t have to do this for the rest of my life. My family had run out to purchase a cacophony of gluten free products in preparation for the birthday meal. We tried many together, some not so bad, some unbelievably terrible.

So as I reflect on one year it’s hard to believe how difficult it truly was to get to this point. The things they didn’t tell you to expect, like a gluten withdraw of insane proportions that leaves you feeling ten times worse then you ever did before. Or the countless conversations with waitstaff trying to explain what you need and that you’re not trying to be a pain on purpose. The skin problems and the joint problems and the anemia. The countless doctor visits that leave you feeling alone and uncertain of anyone’s understanding of this disease.

But those aren’t the things that stand out to me as much as I would think. What stands out is the number of people I’m come across that have gone out of their way to support and help me during this transition. The fact that my mom went gluten free with me every time we went out, during the first few (and most difficult) months. My family in general who scour grocery stores like I do and note any new products that look promising and who show up to walk my dog when I can’t get out of bed.  My sister and law who is normally mild mannered and soft-spoken but goes into mama bear mode when a restaurant has put my health at risk with poor gluten handling measures. My boyfriend who looked at me when my skin crusted over and I couldn’t eat or drink without pain but still told me I was beautiful. And the doctors and team of consummate professionals at the Celiac Center in New York who made me feel like I was understood and able to be helped.

This year has been the hardest I’ve ever had health wise and at times I wasn’t sure how I could keep moving forward. But here I am at the start of a new one and I know so many more people now that are pushing every day to live through this, and countless people that are working in their own way to make it easier for each of us. So no matter where you are in your journey, from exactly 12 months in, I encourage you with this, you are stronger than you ever thought possible and there are legions of us fighting with you and for you. May this year be your best.

Life, New Years and Such

Have you ever stopped to reflect on what your ten year old self would think of you today? This year of 2016 and all it's challenges (I hate you Celiac) has finally come to an end. I had a lot of time over the holidays to stop and breathe. To refocus and to rest. I began to realize that life gets in the way of a lot of important things. It's not so much to say that life stops being good, it's just that the good sometimes becomes overwhelming and becomes bad. A job is important, relationships are important, heck - bills are important! But when they become EVERYTHING, it is easy to lose yourself in the mix, especially when everyone around you is focused on real life problems too. 

I am not who I thought I would be when I was ten. Inside, I'm still there, I can feel it. But along the way I make compromises. Tiny little changes, nothing significant. I stay later at work to ensure I keep my job. I make concessions in relationships to keep the peace. I live places convenient to responsibilities rather than where I really want to. I lose sleep to keep up with life's demands even when my body is desperate to rest. It's like turning the steering wheel a tiny fraction. As you're driving it doesn't matter, you're still going in the general direction. Until, it starts to add up like a heavy snow fall that happened one tiny snowflake at a time and suddenly you are off the road and headed for a ditch (I'm in a very dramatic mood today, can you tell!?).  

So this week, month or year, whenever you can squeeze yourself out a break from real "life", I encourage you to stop and resurrect your ten your old (they're happy to come back, really). How do you do this? As such...  

1. Take some time for you - just you. Visit a coffee shop, take a walk, kick everyone out of the house and secure the doors with something heavy! 

2. Reflect on what is most important to you. And take inventory on how much time those priorities are getting. Do you sacrifice your health for the sake of others? Do you spend as much time as you want with your loved ones? Are you enjoying any good ole plain fun? 

3. Think like a kid. What would you do if you could (screw time, money and judgment)? What would you say to the people in your life if you knew they'd take it exceedingly well (are you holding back what you feel to "keep the peace" cause that sh*t will eat you alive)! 

4. Add one hour to your week to do what YOU want to do. It may be sleeping, it may be visiting a loved one, it may be going to a playground and running around like an idiot. Don't stop and apologize for what you want to do - don't come up with reasons it won't work - don't ask permission, just go! 

5. Repeat often. This isn't about being selfish, it's about being you! The best you possible! When you connect with yourself again, it radiates out from you and better supports all the other responsibilities of real life! Encourage others to do the same.... We could all use a little more childlike fun so make your ten your old self proud. And Happy New Year.