I'm Sorry I Let You Down

I can honestly say that the worst thing about Celiac is not just all the food you won't eat. Sure, you'll miss a fresh, toasted bagel from your local sandwich shop. And you will definitely miss the desserts that you'll watch everyone else eat at parties and at your favorite restaurant. That part sucks. But for me, the worst part about Celiac is letting everyone down around you.

It's not intentional and everyone "understands" but it happens just the same. It happens when you skip out on lunches, with the coworker that you've had standing  Monday lunch plans with for almost four years. Now he's wracking up loyalty stamps at the mall stands that pass out tiny pieces of meat on toothpicks.

And it happens because you and your brother used to bond over impromptu sushi dinners and when he forgets again and suggests it, you have to remind him you can't go out because you're still avoiding gluten... and rice... and seaweed because you might be allergic to those things too.

It happens when you find yourself snapping at your mom because she suggests asking the doctors one more time and you respond in frustration, "Stop telling me that, they all say the same thing!"

It happens when you call into work one more day because the pain is so bad, you have trouble getting out of bed. And it takes a full day before you return to "normal".

And worst of all, it happens when your boyfriend can't wait to see you for a date night, but instead of getting the old you, he gets the you that's reached her breaking point and breaks into tears all night over the pain and the loss she feels everyday.

I said before that I believe it's important to look at the positive and rise to the challenge. And I try to everyday. But I wouldn't be genuine if I didn't say this is hard. At times, almost impossible. And it has nothing to do with bread.